So here it is Monday morning, almost a week since I got here. It's so amazing. To do a catch up on the week:
Thursday was just kind of a down day. We had planned on going to Burma but then poor Megan broke her arm and had to get surgery on it Thursday morning. She is doing well and is in a cast running around like normal now.
Friday all 14 of us jumped in the back of the Song Tao and headed up to Burma. The Song Tao is a little truck that has a cover and bench seats in the back. It's pretty awesome. We drove through the mountains and all across northern Thailand and got to Burma. It took about 4 hours. When we got to Burma we parked on the Thailand side and walked through immigration across the border. It was really interesting how different it was than going through immigration in a more advanced country. We got over to Burma and were right away inundated with people crying out over each other and holding signs to try and get all people to notice their Tuk Tuk to get them where they need to go. Once we made it past them there was an onslaught of people selling cigarettes for cheap. We waded through them and eventually made it through them and down the stairs to the street market. It was really neat to walk around, but everywhere we went we saw desperation. Beggars where everywhere. Even the vendors faces where pinched in pain. Out guide(a man who spoke english and offered to help us around after we crossed the border) led us all around showing us where everything was. He also made sure we all stayed together. After an hour or so we headed back to Thailand, jumped in the Song Tao and headed home. The trip on the Song Tao was an awesome time to really grow closer to the other team members, but also just to have some time with God. I wish I could describe that time with Him better, but in the end I came out with a strong focus. My goal for the trip is to be 'desperate for God, and confident in Him.'
Saturday we started our training manual, Gospel Transformation and started working out what sort of missions we'd be doing while we are here.
Sunday we went to house church. It was pretty amazing. They way everyone worshiped was just so pure. There were people from sooo many different nationalities there and it was just neat. Afterwards, we went out to lunch with 2 younger couples and had a nice afternoon just talking with them. Later that afternoon, a couple of us went to the gym, I got my butt kicked by it and now have some other goals while I am here.
Now here it is on Monday morning, raining for the third day in a row. We are about to go head out to our Gospel Transformation and other training.
In other news, I am awful at spice but love some of the other food here. :D
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
From Chiang Mai
Well, the trip over was rather uneventful yet very tiring. In San Fransisco airport got to help out a Chinese couple that was horribly lost and no english at all. Tokyo I ended up having a a several hour layover. I walked laps most of it to keep awake. Crashed hard on the plane from Tokyo to Bangkok. Slept a little on the benches in Bangkok. I was super surprised but there was a full 747 going from Bangkok to Chaing Mai. I ended up sitting next to this awesome Italian guy who lives in Australia. He ended up telling me his whole life story. Pretty sad, his wife and him were married and had 7 kids when she decided she didn't want kids anymore and moved to America with her boyfriend. He had a 20,00 acre cattle ranch in Australia. Telling me all about his life though, he started crying. Keep Mario in your prayers. Also met a really cool girl from Costa Rica in the airport in Tokyo. She was traveling to Bangkok to visit some friends from boarding school. Another cool girl I met in San Francisco had her dog in this carrier on the plane. We kept trying to keep him cool, he was pretty funny. She just got her masters in fashion in Cali and was coming home. Hit the ground running once I hit Chiang Mai, went straight from the airport to this mountain that has the second most important Buddhist temple in Thailand. We learned a lot more about the Buddhist religions and traditions. It was really neat. Over here, if you're Thai, you're Buddhist. Grabbed some lunch, were my whimp-ness came out on the spicy food. Then headed back to our leaders home where we learned about all we'd be doing. Then back to the students house to get settled. Driving over here is crazy, its pretty cool. I crashed early last night and am getting ready to jump into whatever this day holds!
Monday, July 25, 2011
The night before the plane ride...
Well, it's the night before the plane ride. It's almost 11pm. My plane leaves MCI airport at 6:45 am. Way too early to be up in my opinion. I'm honestly not sure what to feel. A mix of excitement, nervousness and sadness all have me rather confused.
I decided to start this blog as a way to keep everyone updated, and to share what's really going on in my life. And I don't plan on trying to clean it up, I want to be honest and let everyone see who I am.
So back to the trip. I was invited on July 4th to go spend the next 4 1/2 months in Thailand attending a Cadence Int. sponsored Discipleship Training School. It would be 4 1/2 months of intense growing and missions. At first the idea seemed crazy because the school started on the 27th of July. However, I realized that it was where I needed to be. I knew it was where God wanted me. So I started talking to the Cadence staff who had invited me, and getting it set up. Everything started falling into place and it became more and more clear to me it was where God wanted me.
Last Wednesday though, everything came crashing down when my mom and I got in a fight that brought out my dark secret of 8 years. I struggle with suicidal thoughts. I have never done anything about them, but there are nights when the darkness closes in and all the pressures of the world build up and make me want to just crack and give up on life. This is a secret I've hidden for years in shame. I felt like I was a failure of a Christian for even having those thoughts at all. And that would only push me deeper into the cycle of darkness. There were many days I didn't even want to get out of bed. Needless to say, mom finding out about this made some reactions. The next day I was unknowingly drug to counselling. I honestly wanted nothing to do with it. I refused to get out of the car. Eventually, mom won and over the course of the next couple hours we ended up talking to a counselor there. It was hard, can't lie. I HATE crying in front of people and I did a lot as we talked. It was a struggle for me to be seen so weak, not only emotionally, but for them to know I had these thoughts! These great Christians, knowing this thing I struggled with...I mean, I've been a Christian as long as I can remember, Godly parents, always in church, knew all the right answers, but here I am struggling with an obvious stupid thing. What a failure. Through that counselling session though, and through the next couple days talking with my parents, I realized it wasn't me failing, it was an attack from Satan. As a Christian, I am God's child, and what better way to get to a parent than through their child?
I can't say I even now remember this all the time, I still feel like a failure sometimes. But the verse Ephesians 6:10 Finally be strong in the Lord, and in His mighty power. That verse really made me realize something, it's not about how strong I am. What I can do. It's about my weakness, my brokenness, and letting God show how strong He is through that. Me living in His strength.
Back to the story again though. This issue seemed like it was going to derail going to Thailand. However, God still obviously wanted me there. One of the Cadence staff in Thailand has her masters in Biblical Counselling, allowing me to go and still be able to have the support to be able to work through my struggles.
So I'm laying in bed, the night before my plane takes off. Knowing morning is coming way too soon. I will be traveling from Kansas, to San Francisco, to Tokyo, to Bangkok, to Chiang Mai. I'm honestly pretty nervous about leaving and traveling that far alone. I'm so sad at all the goodbyes( I do NOT do goodbyes well). But also very excited to see what all God has in store for me in Thailand. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths."
I decided to start this blog as a way to keep everyone updated, and to share what's really going on in my life. And I don't plan on trying to clean it up, I want to be honest and let everyone see who I am.
So back to the trip. I was invited on July 4th to go spend the next 4 1/2 months in Thailand attending a Cadence Int. sponsored Discipleship Training School. It would be 4 1/2 months of intense growing and missions. At first the idea seemed crazy because the school started on the 27th of July. However, I realized that it was where I needed to be. I knew it was where God wanted me. So I started talking to the Cadence staff who had invited me, and getting it set up. Everything started falling into place and it became more and more clear to me it was where God wanted me.
Last Wednesday though, everything came crashing down when my mom and I got in a fight that brought out my dark secret of 8 years. I struggle with suicidal thoughts. I have never done anything about them, but there are nights when the darkness closes in and all the pressures of the world build up and make me want to just crack and give up on life. This is a secret I've hidden for years in shame. I felt like I was a failure of a Christian for even having those thoughts at all. And that would only push me deeper into the cycle of darkness. There were many days I didn't even want to get out of bed. Needless to say, mom finding out about this made some reactions. The next day I was unknowingly drug to counselling. I honestly wanted nothing to do with it. I refused to get out of the car. Eventually, mom won and over the course of the next couple hours we ended up talking to a counselor there. It was hard, can't lie. I HATE crying in front of people and I did a lot as we talked. It was a struggle for me to be seen so weak, not only emotionally, but for them to know I had these thoughts! These great Christians, knowing this thing I struggled with...I mean, I've been a Christian as long as I can remember, Godly parents, always in church, knew all the right answers, but here I am struggling with an obvious stupid thing. What a failure. Through that counselling session though, and through the next couple days talking with my parents, I realized it wasn't me failing, it was an attack from Satan. As a Christian, I am God's child, and what better way to get to a parent than through their child?
I can't say I even now remember this all the time, I still feel like a failure sometimes. But the verse Ephesians 6:10 Finally be strong in the Lord, and in His mighty power. That verse really made me realize something, it's not about how strong I am. What I can do. It's about my weakness, my brokenness, and letting God show how strong He is through that. Me living in His strength.
Back to the story again though. This issue seemed like it was going to derail going to Thailand. However, God still obviously wanted me there. One of the Cadence staff in Thailand has her masters in Biblical Counselling, allowing me to go and still be able to have the support to be able to work through my struggles.
So I'm laying in bed, the night before my plane takes off. Knowing morning is coming way too soon. I will be traveling from Kansas, to San Francisco, to Tokyo, to Bangkok, to Chiang Mai. I'm honestly pretty nervous about leaving and traveling that far alone. I'm so sad at all the goodbyes( I do NOT do goodbyes well). But also very excited to see what all God has in store for me in Thailand. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths."
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