Christ Like Love

Love. True Love. Christ Like Love. What does that even look like? A love that sacrifces. A love that is uncondiontal. A love that is passionate. A love that is completely selfless. A love that saves and protects.

Words. Distant Words. Abstract Words. How can we begin to even imagine a love like Christ has for us. That fervent passion that drove him to willingly face the most horrific, painful, gory, disgraceful death imaginable at the hands of the people for who He so longed. For me. For us.

But this afternoon brought me to tears as I realized the idea of this love was no longer so abstract. That I had begun to feel it daily. To experience that kind of passion and devotion.

Epesians 5: 25-30 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the Church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the Church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh. But nourishes and cheirishes it, just as Christ also does the Church, because we are members of one body.

My husband could not be any closer to this passage from the Bible. He cares for me above himself. He protects me. He holds me when I cry. Cares for me when I’m sick. Sacrifces his desires for mine. He bought me a jeep, for no other reason than I thought it was cool and I enjoy jeeps. He did so knowing the extra gas money it would cost him. He bought me a new gun for my birthday, instead of this very cool one that just came out that he’s been drooling over. He does his best to always let me know when he’ll be home,even though he is a full grown man and certainly doesn’t need my permission for anything.  He takes every chance to spoil me that he can. He opens my car door every time we drive anywhere. He hates rice and yet continues to smile and eat a plateful and say thank you for the wonderful meal. I cannot recall a time he has complained about anything I’ve made or done. And he does it all because of his overwhelming love for me. His eyes light up every chance he gets to do anything for me. He can be tireder than a dog after a hard day at work and still jumps at the chance to rub my sore neck. He shows me a love that most days I do not deserve.  And he expects NOTHING back at all. He just longs for my love and complete devotion in return.

And isn’t that how it is with Christ. Most days we are not in any sort, form, or fasion deserving of this unending love He shows us. We whine and cry and demand our way or scream “that’s not fair”.  While every day taking full advantage of and taking for granted His unending show of love He pours on us. Yet He keeps showing us with it. Passionately vying for our undivded love and utter devotion. To love Him as He loves us. But that’s the hard part. Because that means dying to ourselves. There is no way to love someone else so completely without laying down your desires and passions first. And that goes against everything we have been taught; to sacrifice yourself in your pursuit of love for another. That goes against all the rules of self protection, right? But Christ is our protector and our redeemer and our passionate lover. His love never fails. I thank my husband for pushing me towards Christ in so many ways and for helping me start to gain a heavenly instead of worldly view of the love our Father has for us. 

Epilogue

Well, it’s been forever since I’ve written any update; but I feel the need for an epilogue to the journey that you all have followed me through over the past year.
Since getting home so so much has changed, I’m not even really sure where to start.
As soon as I touched down in America I was ready to turn around and leave again. I figured at best I’d be in Kansas for 3 months and be gone. There were so many different options. Staying in Kansas was certainly not one of them. Then once again, God stepped in.
One day about a month after being home, I got a phone call from a lady that my best friend knew from teaching her daughter riding lessons. She had an idea. There was this place that had a house, indoor riding arena, 18 horse barn, and 18.5 acres that she thought would be an amazing place to get a horse ministry/therapy started. But she didn’t know much about horses or horse therapy. However, her and her husband where interested in buying the place and turning it over to someone to live there and run a stables and ministry out of it. My first reaction was two-fold. Right off the bat I started thinking; not a chance in this world am I getting stuck in Kansas. Ever. But then part of me also started thinking about how much this was my dream. Over the next couple weeks through a lot of prayer, God changed my heart. For months before I’d been on the fence on how I was supposed to build up a horse ranch for therapy and not stay in one place and still travel all over and just never stay in one place. I knew that those two didn’t fit together. But this change in heart was overwhelming. All of a sudden I just couldn’t imagine leaving Kansas. I fell in love with all the small town quirks. I realized how badly I wanted to have roots somewhere: how badly I wanted that stability and home-base. And all the while, God was pulling more things and more people together for this farm. I decided there was absolutely nothing I wanted more than to start this ministry. They closed on the house/land on Monday and so I’ll be moving in hopefully within the next couple days. It’s only about 4 minutes down the road from my family, and it’s the house I’ve driven past for years saying I wanted. There is a crazy amount of work that needs to be done on it but I couldn’t be more thrilled. We’re hoping to have it fully running by the start of the school year and also do some stuff out there throughout the summer. We don’t have a name for it as of yet, but it’s going to be a non-profit ranch that will offer Equine Assisted Psychotherapy (which will target all groups ranging from soldiers with PTSD to kids in the foster system to abuse victims to many many other types of people in need), community outreach, team/leadership building, bible studies, a horsemanship program, riding lessons and horse training among other things. We’ll be teaming up with mental health professionals and local churches also to make it that much more effective at reaching the local community. I couldn’t be more thrilled with how God is pulling everything together for this. He has provided the most amazing person for me to be running this place with. Her name is Kim and she’s just amazing!!!!!!!! Also He provided a mental health specialist who is already working up on the Ft here who is interested in working with the military and their families with our ranch. God is just so incredible!! And all of this wouldn’t’ have worked out if I had not fallen off that horse, broken my back, and come home early from Thailand.
Another huge thing that has been happening in my life since coming home is a growing relationship with a very amazing man, Ethan. Coming home from Thailand I was dead set against getting involved in any way with any guy, even just the littlest bit. I had written out a list of expectations a guy had to meet before I’d even consider dating/being courted by him. I thought the list was pretty impossible. But once again, God had other plans that He started to show me when meeting this guy at our new church.   He was one of my friends older brother and so I spent some time around him just being with her and I started to realize just what an amazing, Godly man he was. The more I got to know him, the more things on the list I realized he fit. The more I realized I just couldn’t even think straight when he was around. Last night he went and asked my dad’s permission to court me and then came over and asked me.  I of course said yes and have not been able to stop smiling since. Right after he asked me though he asked if we could pray and make sure we started this off right. In that second any shadow of a doubt I had disappeared. The excitement and absolute peace God has given with Ethan is crazy. I’m so crazy excited to see what the future holds.
So this is the final entry in this blog. As soon as we have a name for the farm, I’ll be starting a new one though to keep everyone updated on what’s happening there. I ask for your continued  prayer for this farm as we work to get it started, fundraise, and start working to reach people. Also, if anyone is interested in coming out and doing anything around the farm or has old horse stuff or stuff for a house, or office or anything, we have nothing right now. God is the great planner and provider. May my life bring Him praise and honor and glory in all that I do.

cowgirl4christ17@yahoo.com

All Gave Some, Some Gave All

They say that the eye is the window to the soul. After today I agree with whoever ‘they’ are. One look into their eyes today and you could see a soul laid bare. The soldier’s eyes showed a knowing. Knowing the risks of their job, knowing the sacrifice, knowing why, and knowing it could have been them just as easily. The eyes of the retirees showed memories long buried being brought once again to the forefront of their minds; friends lost, battles fought, years long past. The eyes of the soldier’s wives and mothers showed a deep fear. Fear that their personal soldier would be next. Fear they would be the one receiving the next flag and attempting to pick up the broken pieces. The eyes of the Patriot Guard revealed deep respect and honor and a willingness to fight for the honor of those who had given their all. Not all eyes revealed things so pleasant though. There were eyes there that revealed nothing but a piercing hate; hate for America, hate for its soldiers, and hate for its people.
All of these souls lined the streets of Topeka, Kansas today for common reason though; the death of SGT Jamie Jarboe. He was shot by a sniper nearly a year ago in Afghanistan that hit him in the spine.  He fought through over 100 surgeries, before his injury claimed his life on March 21st. The streets surrounding his funeral and memorial where lined with flags, with people from every different background holding them, taking their Saturday morning to honor the fallen hero. As they drove by in their cars, many people slowed down, saluted, nodded, honked, or gave the thumbs up as they passed. Others took the opportunity to spew profanities and insults to those holding the flags. Protestors also lined the streets. For whatever reason though, they left after a short time; leaving those to honor the hero. As the funeral procession passed carrying the body of the fallen hero, eyes teared up, soldiers snapped to attention and saluted, and the whole street stood a little straighter and fell into silence.  The cars were filled with soldiers in uniform and their families, all trying to keep their composure; all struggling with even that. After the end of the procession,  people holding our flag united together in support of this soldier. It brought them together in a common bond of brother hood. Complete strangers embraced to share in the grief of losing one of America’s boys.
To my left was a group of young soldiers holding their flags in proper form. One of them reflected out loud to no one in particular.  "Man, people showing up and holding flags for a soldier they don't, that's what's up. If they did that for my funeral....yeah. We all gave up a part of ourselves signing up, and to know that people know and care and remember our sacrifice...."  And today, a soldier was remembered and honored for the sacrifice he made.
Let us never forget the ones who have died, or the ones who daily volunteer to. Let us never forget the sacrifices they make. Let us never forget or take for granted the freedom they fight for. Let us keep America worth fighting for while they’re away.  Let us never waver in standing firmly behind them as they stand boldly in front of us.

          All Gave Some, Some Gave All

There's no place like home...

Ok so I know the title is cheesy, but I have to take the chance I have to make a reference to Kansas' claim to fame. And as I'm just now back in Kansas, it fits.

The plane ride back was so long! I'm still getting over jet lag. Nothing super eventful happened. I watched a bunch of movies in Chinese with subtitles on my longest plane ride.They were pretty funny. But that could have just been my lack of sleep at that point. The highlight was hanging out at the military USO in the LAX airport. It just was once again a huge reminder to me of how much I truly want to eventually be in missions to soldiers.  The goodbyes leaving Thailand were terrible. The people there are family in a million ways. I still am not sure how I'm going to make it without them. The goodbye with Bethany 2 days later in Malaysia was also completely awful. Her friendship has meant so much to me and I can't wait for my next chance to see her. I miss them all soooo much! It's been so great to hang out with my family here again though and be back in this house and also getting to see some friends. I'm looking forward to seeing many more! (and shout out to my mom for my amazing room!!)

I have a confession to make. Coming back, I knew I wasn't really going to fit in again. My mindset has been changed so completely and there is just no way to get that mindset without having been in the experiences of life over there. That was something I accepted as fact, and was I thought ok with. But then that observation started slipping into more. It started to slip into me being prideful and judging everyone around me. I caught myself  being insanely pessimistic about everyone and everything. Nothing was good enough compared to my home and family in Thailand. Something I honestly just realized. But seriously, how stupid is that? That I took this huge gift God has given me of the past year, and turned it into something I can feel superior about? None of it has had anything to do with me. If anything, the past year has shown how incapable I am and how I am completely reliant on God for my everything. I started mentally distancing myself from everything here while longing already to be back out in the mission field.. And I also don't think it's wrong for me to want to be in the missions field. I think that is where God has called me and so naturally, that is where my heart will be. I also don't know if I will ever really belong in Kansas. But I'm not every other person in Kansas, and they aren't me. There certainly do NOT need to be thousands of me in the world(can you imagine? what a nightmare!) so why should I be comparing myself and what God does with me, to what God does with other people? It's for sure not something I can say I've completely stopped doing. Thankfully, God was gracious enough to smack me in the head with it. My goal is to really just start focusing on all God is doing here, and all the positive things. I don't know how long I'll be in Kansas but God has me here for a reason right now. It's time I stopped whining and started figuring that out and acting on it. Just because I'm back here, doesn't mean I'm serving God any less than over there. It's easy to think that only 'missionaries' are serving God. But that just doesn't make sense. While God has called everyone to share Him with those around them, He certainly hasn't called everyone to pick up everything and go do missions work in a foreign country. What would happen to everyone we left behind? Serving God is about bringing God glory in everything you do. Making Him smile on every aspect of your life. He has you were you're at for a reason. :)

Countdown...

First countdown complete!! Happy Valentines Day!! Well, it is here in Thailand anyways. I have a wonderful Valentine today, thank you Bethany ;) Who just can't seem to find surprises out! I had her present hidden in one of my drawers and for some reason she decides to start going through my drawers and sees it! So the surprise is ruined but oh well...

Second countdown-- 2 days! till Bethany and I get on a plane to Malaysia. She needed to get out of country for her visa so I am 'escorting' her to Malaysia where we will stay for 1 day before I fly straight home from there. This is also the countdown to some very very difficult goodbyes to all the people here who have become like family to me in so many different ways.

Third countdown-- 4 days, goodbye to Bethany. I think this will be the hardest goodbye I have to say. Neither of us are sure what we are going to do without each other. Right after I say goodbye, I'll be getting on a plane to fly half way around the world by myself with a broken back. I love adventure!

Fourth countdown-- 5 days, touchdown in America!! I am so excited to see all my family and friends! I have missed them all so much!! I'm also super excited to just be back in America. I am so proud to be an American!

Fifth countdown -- 2 1/2 months, till I can get out of this back brace!! It's already driving me crazy and I'm going insane with the little amount of physical activities I can do!

All of these countdowns have my head swirling in a fury of thoughts and emotions. I am so so so excited to be home and seeing family. But at the same time, the goodbyes will be some of the hardest of my life. My time here I feel has forged some of the strongest bonds I have ever had. I have changed so much here and grown into a very different person, and these people have been with me every single day. Sharing a house with them has let them see me at my best and my worst. I have to admit quite a few insecurities in coming home to the people I left behind. I'm holding tightly to the security I have gained in Christ since coming here. I'm not sure what the future holds or how I'll be able to handle myself being back in America. I can only imagine it's going to be a bit of a rough transition.

Thankfully all of this pales in comparison to another countdown. The countdown of Christ's return. Except this is a countdown we have no date for. Instead, we are called to live like it's tomorrow. And so that is my plan in returning home and making so many choices that I'll be called upon to make once back. Even with a broken back, I want to live like Christ is coming home tomorrow. Making every single second count. Every day finding a new way to bring Him the glory He is so entirely worthy of.

I Will Follow

So, it is now almost 1am here in Chaing Mai and I'm wide awake in bed when I really need to be asleep. Tomorrow I am going to be watching/coaching from the sidelines my kids that I have been teaching at their very first horse show. They are super excited and so am I. However, I am getting picked up at 6:45am.

But there is way way way too much on my mind right now to sleep. Earlier today, I found out that I compound fractured my T12. With that comes the restrictions of no mopeds, no horses, no lifting, little bending, no floor sitting and about a million and a half other things I 'can't' do for the next 3 months. I also have a wonderfully annoying brace that will also be with me that long. When I first heard I thought the choices of what to do would be hard. But surprisingly, I feel like God has given me such an incredible peace about one option; going home.

Now while I am in fact at peace about that choice and that it is the one God wants me to make, it doesn't make my heart at any less of a slight turmoil. Part of me is so so sad to be leaving here. There were a lot of dreams and goals I had for the next couple months. A lot of lives I was hoping to be able to impact. I also am so beyond sad at the friendships I will be leaving here. That will be the hardest part. Not sure how I'm gonna live without my Bethany haha or anyone else here either! Part of me is also so excited! I am so excited to be home and see my family and friends and just to be back in America. I feel like my life has in a way been on 'hold' while I've been here. I am also super excited about what thing it is God is bringing me to there that He needed me away from here so badly! I think that is where I am feeling the most peace.

Last year, when I messed up my shoulder, I looked at it as the end of what God had been doing in me. I saw it as a complete reversal of everything He'd been doing. Now with my new injury, that is also totally throwing a curveball in what God has been doing in my life, I am just thrilled with it. I KNOW God has a plan. I don't doubt for half a second God has had me here for a reason. I don't doubt that I was supposed to stay here. I'm not sure why, but that really doesn't matter. I trust Him. Maybe it was for how much I have grown in the past couple months. Maybe it was for someone here. Maybe it was just to keep me out of something at home. But I know that He had me here. And now I'm just so excited to see what new and incredible things He has planned for me back in good ole Kansas.

PS The title is from Chris Tomlin's Song "I Will Follow" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ohvhmGSfxI&ob=av2n

Faithfulness

What a week! In about an hour I will be heading to the doctor's office to get my back xrayed.On Wednesday of this week, I took a pretty hard fall off of a horse and landed flat on my butt and have been in a lot of pain ever since. To the point I seriously look like a grandma walking around and trying to stand up or sit down(no offense meant to any grandmas out there! just lots of love to ya; i'm sympathizing with you! :) ) I thought about taking a video of me doing that, but decided everyone might not share my same sense of humor at pain. This fall came right on top of being sick for the first half of the week.

But ya know what? So what! God is so entirely faithful. We can be at the darkest of times, and He provides. My last blog I wrote about some of the troubles I was facing in being here. Within a week of writing that, He had provided the complete amount for me to buy a plane ticket home. Months ago He started preparing a friendship He knew would help sustain me through this whole time of living here, the amazingly, wonderful, incredible, Bethany. She is always always always there for me and has done so much for me. I don't know what I would have done without her. He also provided me with three extra pairs of parents while I'm here. The Rathmells, the Shorts and the Mintz. Jenn and Buddy have let me stay at their house this week as I'm recovering from the fall. I also have great friends back at the farm who love to come up and see me and bring me candy! Last week, I even had a guy who liked the way I trained horses send me and my team at the farm a very nice lunch of fish and fries and pumpkin and potatoes and salad ! God even provided the money for me to go to the doctor today through a friend of Jenn's who was over at the house yesterday. Does life get hard following God? Absolutely!! Does He always have a plan and provide, even when we as less than all knowing humans can't see it? Without room for doubt. I ask you all to take the time to listen to this song. It's one of my favorites and just sooo true! I pray you all can see how God is just so alive and working in the world today. He is NOT a God who just created us and left. He's here today, loving YOU. Watching over You. Providing for YOU. Even when you can't see it.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlA5IDnpGhc

Work!!

Wow!! It's been forever since I last posted!! So much seems to have happened since then, so first a quick overview of life.

I graduated DTS on December 14 and over the following days said a very sad goodbye to most of the team. However, Ange Bethany and I had a little more time together. Thanks to Dave and Julie Mintz, I was able to go down with them, Bethany, and Ange and her parents to go spend a week on the beach in Phuket. Talk about beautiful! I got the best tan I've had in my entire life just chilling on the beach with Ange and Bethany. We had such a fun time and it's a week I'll never forget. At the end of the week, we came back to Chiang Mai and we said goodbye to Ange for a while.zi moved into the farm and now have my own room! It's pretty amazing. I even have something to put my clothes in instead of my suitcase. Oh the little things in life... Christmas dinner was over at the Rathmells house. It was great to be able to have Christmas in a home with a family and amazing food!!! I ate so much... man. Later that night Bethany and I went with the German team to go see Sherlock Holmes 2. It was an overall incredible day. Later that week, things got crazy again as we had a horse colic on us. Bethany had been spending the night that night and so her, Esther(my friend/housemate at the farm) and I pulled an all night keeping the horse alive. The poor thing had tubes up his nose, an iv, a hand up his bum and walked for hours. But he's alive now so that's what counts! :) That weekend it was New Years. Bethany, Esther and I spent New Years at the farm. We built a bonfire(that only took an hour, and some flammable house hold liquids to get started) and baked German bread and sausage over it. We all had so much fun and Bethany found her calling as a Piro.  Since then it has been just a life of figuring everything out around here. Learning the ropes of the daily schedule and all that fun stuff. The farm is finally starting to feel like some semblance of a home. My schedule starts at 6am and ends at 7pm. So life is super busy but good.

Something that I've really realized the past couple weeks is that if you tell God to take your life and let it be for Him and not about you, you'd better seriously mean it. There are so many sacrifices to living for Him. At the DTS graduating, Jenn Rathmell (who spoke that day :) ) told me that I would always be able to work myself into, or out of anything. But that I needed to be careful to not get caught on my working, but rather God working(I think getting caught up in pride also falls under that). That is totally true and I'm being soooo stretched right now over working! I like earning every little thing that I work for. But now I'm having to live off of support from people in the States and from the Farm. And honestly, I don't have much support raised from the States but there is nothing more I can do about that, I can't work anymore for that, it has to be God. That's scary to me! Also, when I stayed here, I lost  my plane ticket because they wouldn't let me trade to a later date. So I'm here with no plane ticket home and no way of making money to pay for one. That's terrifying! Even if I wanted I can't even just get a job at a local 7-11 because of work permits. I am currently sharing mopeds with friends and mostly having to depend on just riding with them. That's hard for me! I am having to live away from my family and friends who I love and miss so much! God is reminding me everyday that is through Him alone that I need to live. All of those things I learned during DTS I now get to put into practice. And it's hard. Now, I don't want any of this to come off as whining. I know it sounds like it. But truly, I'm happy here and I know that God has a complete and perfect plan. I trust Him and that He knows what He is doing much better than I do. But I also think there is often this allusion that if you are following God and giving your life to Him, things get easy. And that's just so not true! God called us to pick up our cross and follow Him. He didn't say anything about a flowers and gold. But He did say while we are bearing that cross, He's always there, and always loves, and is there to be our strength.

Graduation and Grace

I cannot believe that today is already December 13; tomorrow we graduate from DTS. I feel like it has been such an incredible whirlwind. The past week has been great. Our team has spent a lot of time together, just getting to hang out as a ‘family’. We’ve watched Christmas movies, made cookies and coco, had a fake fire, made lots of good food, listened to Christmas music, but most importantly just enjoyed the extreme love and sense of belonging that surrounds our team now. I have come to adore every single team member as if they were my own family, and I could seriously not be more thankful for them.  I will be so very sad through this week as our family slowly goes their separate ways.

                As this time comes to a close, I have been spending a lot of time looking back and reflecting over the past several months. I feel like I have changed and grown in so so many ways. Looking back at some of my first posts, it seems so far away and almost like another person. I have learned so much about who God is, who I am in Christ, and what He has planned for my life. I have learned how to rely on His strength alone to get me through, and that it’s not about me being a ‘good Christian’. I’ve learned just how incredible and strong God is and how He always has a perfect plan in everything, even when we don’t see it. I’ve learned to be desperate for Him and passionate about sharing Him. I could go on and on for pages as to what I have learned. I have seen so many incredible things and I have also learned so much about who I am as a person and individual.

                Earlier this week I realized something though as I looked back over all my previous posts, all the things I had learned and grown in. I was expecting myself to just be ‘good to go’ now. I mean, taking the time to think about it, it doesn’t make sense at all. But in my head, I had unconsciously felt like, “ok, I’ve dealt with all of this stuff now, I’m not going to have to deal with it again.” I also was giving myself absolutely no room to make mistakes in my walk as a Christ follower ever again. But the truth is, that’s sooo not reality! It doesn’t matter that I’ve been in this amazing school for the past 5 months. That doesn’t make me perfect. I am still very very much human. I am still going to mess up many times. I am sure I will hurt people, hurt God and hurt myself before my life is over. But that’s the great thing isn’t it? I mean, it means I so often get to be reminded of God’s incredible grace. I know I’m going to mess up, and while I HATE the idea of it, I also don’t need to dwell on my mistakes. I need to realize they are going to happen, be willing to acknowledge when I have made a mistake, be ready to apologize and ask for God’s forgiveness and turn from my wrong actions and realign my life with His will, but most importantly, keep my focus on Him and bringing Him glory with my life the whole time. Jesus Christ is so amazing.

                I pray that as you prepare for this Christmas you remember Christ and not only His birth, but also His life and the reason of His birth. I wish you all a very Merry Christmas filled with lots of love!! Look forward to seeing some of you in 6 months!

On The Road Again...

Hello long lost friends! Sorry it has been forever since I have updated this blog. I hope all is well in your part of the world!! As I write this it is almost 8pm at night and I have spent the day on a bus heading back towards Thailand via Cambodia. We are about 1 hour outside of Siem Reap where we will spend the night. I have spent the past month in Vietnam. I walked into this not knowing exactly what I was getting into. Actually, I had NO idea, at all.

Vietnam is a very communist nation. Which meant everything we did there was illegal. No one could know why we were really there, what we were doing, or anything like that. It would put not only our team at risk, but the teams we were working with there. Communication of events was highly limited. Anything that might have  God mentioned was only done behind closed doors where we knew all the people there, or when we had one on one time with people we had taken the time to build relationships with and thought we could trust. Communist flags where everywhere seemingly reminding us of the restraint we had to use in all conversations and relationships. All internet conversations, emails, chats and even skype was monitored. We could mention nothing; especially not names, times and places. We’ve been asked to still keep much of it to ourselves or only face to face conversations to help protect the missionaries who are there long term.

We worked with a place that allowed us to build relationships with people through teaching English conversation and by doing events with this place. We would take the group of students(most people we hung out with were college age) and go to different local orphanages, special needs homes, and elderly homes. These experiences stretched the whole team to a new level and showed us so so much. One event we all had a blast at was playing ultimate Frisbee with them. We all had a blast. One time, my team decided we were the “Chickens” and we ran around doing the chicken dance(they had fun learning it) and we ended up doing really good. It was so much fun!

We lived in the heart of Saigon/Ho Chi Minh City on the 3^rd floor of a guest house. Everything in Vietnam is straight up and very narrow. I think I have walked more stairs this past month than I have in my life! There were mopeds EVERYWHERE! It was truly insane. Crossing the road was like the old video game, Frogger. By the end we were pretty great at crossing, but I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to having a moped speed by me, only inches away.  There was also an abundance of sunglasses. (yes, you can laugh) But seriously, there were so so many people walking around trying to sell sunglasses! It was kind of funny. It was really different for me to live in a city like that. Building were packed like sardines and you just have to walk downstairs and down the street just a little bit to get to whatever it was you wanted. There was an abundance of incredible fresh fruit sellers and sugar cane juice. It was so tasty! But the city noises at night and the constant commotion made me miss the sound of crickets and frogs with the occasional mooing of a cow of home and the stars! Coming into Cambodia I am seeing stars again for the first time in a month!

The people in Vietnam are so open and friendly to foreigners. I went running every morning at this park 1k from our house and it was rare that a morning went by that I didn’t have some sort of conversation with people there. I even played badminton with an old guy one day. I was terrible. They also just loved to pick us up on their mopeds and show us the city and take us to their favorite fruit smoothie or noodle place. One of them is going to a beauty school and she cut my hair along with all the rest of the girls on our team. Many crazy and fun memories from our time there. Goodbyes where hard.

We are getting really close to Siem Reap now. Tomorrow we will spend all day traveling to get back up to Chiang Mai Thailand. We will have 10 days of finishing up our DTS and then we graduate. I can’t believe how fast it has all gone by. It seems like just yesterday I awkwardly arrived in Thailand wondering what I had gotten into. I am starting to try to mentally prepare for Christmas as it will be my first one away from home, and also prepare for the coming 6 months that I will spend in Chiang Mai. I still have what seems like so much to do to make that all go smooth. One of the biggest being raising support. The more I pray about it, I feel like I’m supposed to try and raise $400 a month to continue living in Thailand and be able to spend more time on what matters at the farm. I also have to move into my new house and figure out my schedule for the next 6 months and make it through Christmas!!! (I have to admit, I have been listening to a crazy amount of Christmas music and just can’t wait for it to come) I pray that your Christmas season is focused on Christ and His wonderful incredible all sustaining love.

As always, feel free to email me @ cowgirl4christ17@yahoo.com or find me on skype or facebook at Caity Midyett. Also, if you are interested in possibly helping support me over the next 6 months, just shoot me an email! Thank you all so much! 

Finally! The Video of Eating Bugs!

Ok guys, so... here is the video of me and Bethany eating bugs! Sorry it took so long but just now got to a place where internet would handle loading a video! Enjoy our misery! http://youtu.be/EDPJZIEJwDo

The Orphanage

Well, I'm experiencing my first time being sick while over here. Can't say it's super fun, but thankfully I was able to just chill out today and hoping to be fine tomorrow! Anyways! I had to write about last night.

Last night our team went to an orphanage started by Buddy and Stop Slavery several years ago. It is lead by Pastor Paul and his wife and his mom. There are 10 kids there, plus Pastor Paul's 2 kids. Pastor Paul picked us up around 4:30 and we headed over to the orphanage in their Tuk Tuk. The ride over was pretty fun, as Tuk Tuk's are awesome, and the team all in one just makes for an amusing trip. As we pulled into the alley where the orphanage is, it was lined with kids waiting for us and waving like crazy. Apparently they were greatly anticipating out night. I wasn't so sure about it to be honest, as I already wasn't feeling well at all and was worried I would be pretty lame as far as energy and being able to pour into the kids. However, I put on a smile and said a prayer and we all climbed out of the Tuk Tuk. As soon as we got there, Pastor Paul went and grabbed some fresh coconut(no, not like what you picture a coconut like in America, SUPER fresh). He had kept them in ice and cut a hole in the top of them and stuck a straw in. We all talked with the kids as we drank our coconut milk. Then we headed over to this field by the house. It was mid calf high in grass, and there was quite a bit of mud and water and a little stream and a cow. We set up sticks, kicked off our shoes and started a game of soccer. It was guys against girls plus guys with blue and pink shirts. The game got intense really quickly as everyone was really good and super aggressive about winning. Mud was going everywhere and bodies kept tumbling to the ground. We all ran our hearts out and the girls won!!!! (should be no surprise there though!) The kids hung onto us and we all walked back towards the house. We took a short detour to a water pump to try and get some of the mud off of us before heading to dinner. Pastor Paul's mom had prepared a wonderful meal. I'm not really sure what it was, but it was rice with meat and vegetables. After dinner, the kids got up and preformed several praise and worship songs they had been practicing and had dance moves for and everything. We attempted to join in and looked so silly doing it! Then our team did a skit we have. It's called the Bean Skit. It's a super simple skit, but you go back and do it over and over in different styles. Eventually, we gave the kids our roles and they did the skit too. It was so funny! Then Buddy shared the story of King Hezekiah in from the Bible as all the kids gathered around and listened. The night was interrupted by the pet pig getting out, but it was soon caught and all was well. We ended the night with sad goodbyes, and lots of pictures. They were some of the happiest kids I've met before even in the face of so much. Truly incredible!

Please keep the orphanage and the kids there and Pastor Paul and his family in your prayers!

WOW!!!

WOW! What a past week this has been. It has been so busy and incredible and just an overall incredible experience.

We started off the week on Sunday going to a church service at the Centre where we teach. It is mostly high school age kids with some college age teachers also. Our very own Justin lead the service in worship, and then showing his versatility turned around and also did the teaching. He is truly a very gifted teacher. People where captivated by his lesson. At the end of the service, we celebrated the birthday(well…it wasn’t quiet his birthday yet, but almost) of one of the older students there. It was the first time in his life that he had a birthday cake. They had an awesome game at the end of the celebration that I will now be making a tradition at any of my future parties. People challenge each other to rock paper scissors and the loser gets icing smeared on them by the winner every round. It was so much fun! That night we had an insane dance party at the house we are staying at for the staff and a few of the students. All I can say is I made a 100% complete idiot of myself. But! I had fun while doing it. I really cannot dance at all. They however, where absolutely incredible. I have no idea how they can control every single part of their body so fluidly. All in all, it was just a super fun night.

Throughout the week, we continued to teach. Ange and I teach our class from 11:30-12:30 and then from 4-5, 5-6, and 6-7. The classes are getting bigger and we are really starting to build relationships with the students. They are in general just such a silly fun group. We have a blast in our class for sure. Our morning class mostly has just monks in it. We are really building strong relationships with them. I never ever would have guessed monks would be so hilarious and just so much fun, but they really are. They are probably some of the biggest teasers, practical jokesters and most competitive of all our students. They have also taught us so much about the culture and history and traditions of Cambodia.

Through this week I’ve also been working a lot on the self discipline thing. I even got to give a ‘teaching’ about it on Wednesday. I have been able to just be really consitant with my time with God and just feel a lot closer to Him already and it’s just neat. Also, being more self disciplined on the health side of it has me feeling really good also. The self discipline of communication has me writing back people much more quickly. It also has had me making better priorities and getting what I need to get done in a lot more time efficient and productive manor(for example, writing this instead of watching a movie with some of the team).

The past 48 hours though have been absolutely insane and so much fun! Yesterday morning we taught class as normal but then came back to the school at 3pm to set up for the evening festivities. The school was hosting a talent show. It was so much fun and we all had such an incredible time watching the students perform. They all had a fun time getting to show their skills in singing, playing guitar, and dancing. The dance class did a dance together and I just kind of stood in awe of how good they were. Justin’s guitar class also did a group act. They were so nervous, but got up there and made it through the song anyways! I got to help run the sound and then was in charge of helping find students and getting them ready to perform and getting everyone numbers as well as other misc errands. At the end, the DJs starting some crazy music and the team along with the teachers and older students had another dance party. I even learned one of their dances (very poorly I might add). Overall it went really well and everyone walked away smiling. It ended around 7:30 and we ran home to go eat and get back to the school for a prayer night. We hung out there and worshiped with them till about midnight and then headed home for a few hours of sleep. We all got up around 4:30am and headed out to Angkor Wat to watch the sun rise over the main temple. It was so so incredible. We spent the day exploring many of the different temples. I really cannot explain the sheer majesty and glory of the places, even being so broken down. And something really interesting, on one of the walls, there was an engraving of something that looks like a triceratops. At one of the places, we were one of the first people there and it was just so peaceful and yet powerful. I got the chance to read Psalms 148 out lout there, and it was just so cool. Even though it was a temple built for Buddha, the sheer glory of it pointed straight to God and His ultimate majesty.

A couple prayer requests. The first is tomorrow I am teaching at church. I’ll be sharing basically my testimony and how I got to Cambodia. Please pray that the Holy Spirit just really speaks through my weaknesses in talking and gets His message across. Please also pray for our last week here in Cambodia. Pray we can really touch the lives of the students in an unforgettable way and just really point them to Christ. Pray for our safety on our trip this next weekend to Vietnam. And for the preparation of the hearts of the people we will talk to there. Also, please pray for my time I’ll be in Thailand. Just that everything would happen that needs to happen during that time and that I just use that time as God would have me in the most effective way to glorify Him in all I do. I also am going to try to raise about $400 a month as support for living in Thailand. As I am not coming back to the states, I’m not sure how I’m going to do that. Doing everything through the farm I’m working at, I should be able to take on enough extra lessons and trainings there to make the money to live. However, the more I pray about it, the more I’d really like to be able to spend that time building up the therapy program there as well as getting to minister and mentor all the young girls that come there. Thank you all so much for your continued love and prayers!! 

Desperation

Desperation…complete desperation.  That is what our need for God should be. There are days where I’m just hit by just how utterly badly we DAILY need to be filled with God. I question how I can even survive a single day not having a strong fellowship with Him. I can’t imagine it on a day like today. We NEED God. God isn’t a convenience. He isn’t something we do to make ourselves feel better about ourselves. Or something we ‘do’ to gain something. He isn’t some magic genie. He is the GOD OF THE UNIVERSE. We desperately and direly need Him. We can do absolutely NOTHING without Him. He is our life. He is what gives us life and sustains it. He is the only way we know what is right and what is wrong. He is truly our daily living water. Not having any sucks the life out of you. There is no alternative. We are desperate to be filled by our living God. The provider of life. 

A Soldier

Ok, so I have been in Siem Reap, Cambodia for a whole week. It's crazy. It feels like it has been forever living here, and at the same time it seems like just yesterday we got here. Weird. I really love the laid back culture here. We bike everywhere here. I probably spend around an hour a day on a bike during the week. Our normal schedule is teaching at the Center from 11:30-12:30, and then teaching again from 4-7pm. Ange and I are teaching English Pronunciation. And I have an announcement. After years of thinking I would HATE teaching(but never really experiencing it) I have decided that it is actually something I enjoy A LOT. I have so much fun getting the lessons together with Ange and getting to help people learn new things and just be able to encourage them along and see the progress. It's really cool! One of the most interesting classes Ange and I had consisted of 4 monks from the monastery down the road. They seemed much more interested in flirting than learning the lessons. It was SOOOO funny! Ange and I had to work hard to keep a straight face. They were a ton of fun. They were constantly competing with each other and trying to out do each other and be louder and it was just so funny. One of them even pulled a chair out from the other as they were sitting down, setting the other monk on the floor very hard. All of our students call us 'teacher' and I don't know why, but I just think its adorable with their Khmer accents.  We are staying at the YWAM base here, called The University of the Nations. It's pretty cool. We are making a lot of friends that will be difficult to say goodbye too. Tonight we are even having a party with them. Food, music(i was put in charge of being dj...i'm worried they will dislike the bit of country music i had to throw in ;) ) games and even dancing(or what we call dancing... i don't know if the rest of the world would consider it that haha).

Cambodia itself is such an entirely different experience than Thailand. I have to admit, I was expecting them to be very similar, but they really aren't. This country is so poor. It's really sad. But at the same time, I'm realizing just how much isn't really a "need" as much as a want. You can live a life just fine without a microwave, a/c, hot water, flushing toilets, cars, dryers and indoor stores everywhere.  It's been a really awesome chance to see it all. This week I have also been studying the history of Cambodia. It is a gut wrenching and little known history. Basically a whole generation was completely whipped out by the Khmer Rouge and Pol Pot. Basically a Communist regime who took out all thinkers, and educated people and in the process killed off . Around 4 million people died during their reign. Many from mass murders and just starvation as their food was sold to pay for weapons for the military. The country was completely ravaged by war. The hardest thing to deal with about all of this? It was from 1970-1979. So pretty much anyone here over 30 has been personally impacted by this. Thousands and thousands starved to death or saw loved ones taken away and murdered or rapped or turned into soldiers. I would highly suggest reading the book "First They Killed My Father" if you have no already. It is a first hand account of one girls survival through that time period. I had no idea about any of this before coming to South East Asia, and maybe I'm just ignorant. But I think it is something that should be more known about.

One thing that God has really been working on me with these past couple weeks is discipline. I am TERRIBLE at it. I've been realizing it more and more. Just in everything. I am bad at it in writing people back, thank you notes, calling the people I need too, friendships, exercising, the food I eat, but most importantly in my quiet times with God. I'm good at keeping it up regularly for a couple weeks, but then something throws it off and I get bad at it again for another couple weeks and then I'll start doing it again. Same with everything else. I can do it for a while, but then something happens and it just messes me up. But, I think that is really really bad. These are things that are really good for me. Especially my quiet time! I daily need to be filled with God and I need to DAILY lay my life down before God. It's not just a one time and I'm good for the next bit. The thing that kills me the most is knowing that I do know what is good for me, but not being disciplined enough to do it. I think its a required thing in Christianity to be disciplined. Like a soldier preparing for battle. It's daily. There is constant training, or refreshing. Everyday intel needs to be updated. Always keeping their body ready. God calls us to follow Him and be prepared to give an answer to anyone who asks about our hope and faith. But if we're being undisciplined, we're just setting ourselves up for being out of touch with our Commander and Chief. Not knowing His will, His strategies, His words. So...this isn't something I've overcome yet. This is still very much a struggle. And it's something I will continue to work on. But I want to start being more and more disciplined in everything that I do. I don't want to be the lazy soldier. I want to bring glory to God with every little part of who I am and what I do. So, I ask for your prayers as I start really working on this in all aspects of my life.

Also I ask for your prayers as this week I've been super homesick and it's starting to hit me just how long I am going to be away from home as I'm still figuring out the details for the rest of my trip. I have been missing family, friends and just being home. I love it here. A LOT. And I really do feel like it's where God has me and wants me to be, but some days, it is really hard. Love you all a ton!

Cambodia!!

Well first thing is first.  The Challenge was completed and I ate more bugs than I ever want to again. It was soooooooooooooooo gross!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean, I wanted to get sick for the next day or two just thinking about it. I am going to try and get the video loaded of it. However, it is now a bit more difficult because…..

I AM IN CAMBODIA! Friday night we left Chiang Mai with many sad goodbyes. We got on a bus and headed down for a 12 hour bus ride to Bangkok. The bus was pretty awesome.  We all slept most of the time on it. Saturday morning we arrived in Bangkok, and after searching around to find someone who could speak both Thai and English we got a van that would take us as far as the border between Thailand and Cambodia. At this point the team is Bethany, Akari, Justin, Clark, and Ange as our leader. The border crossing was quite different. You could feel the entire atmosphere was totally different. Thankfully some guy lead us to where we could really get visas as opposed to the numerous stands around that would just swindle your money.  We made it across with the help of our next van driver.  We are all travelling with just a backpack for the next 7 weeks(along with a varying bag of snacks).

We are staying at a University of the Nations(affiliated with YWAM) house in Siem Reap. It is terribly terribly flooded here. We ride everywhere on bikes and it will sometimes get as high as 1ft in the middle of the road. The sides of the roads are far worse. However, life seems to continue on as normal, people just moving things around to make adjustments.  The rice fields are really flooded badly though, ruining much of the crops. We were warned at church this morning though to keep an eye out. With the flooding have come CROCODILES! Yeah… not a church announcement I intend to forget anytime soon. Talk about practical applications. Tomorrow we start working at a school helping teach life skills including English, Math and Music.  We will be here for the next 3 weeks. We will be teaching life skills at the Center here. I will be teaching English Pronunciation with Ange at 5-6 different classes a day. While here, we have very limited access to the internet, so I apologize for not replying to any messages in timely manners. Living in Cambodia has made us realize how spoiled we were in Chiang Mai in many ways including here there is no hot water, a/c or flushing toilets. It is a really good experience. J

Please keep our team in your prayers as we continue to grow closer and just that we can really reach the people here in a practical way and be able to show them God’s love for them. Also please keep in your prayers the friends we left behind in Chiang Mai. We built many relationships there. Bethany and I especially got to know this lady who made Rotee for us. She was awesome, and even though we didn’t speak the same language, we built a unique friendship. We hope to see her again and maybe figure out how to communicate better once we get back to Chiang Mai. Also please pray for my roommate Bethany as she has officially decided to stay next spring also. She has lots of logistics to figure out as well as just the pain of not being home for the holidays etc. Please continue to pray as I also work everything out for my extended trip this spring. Lots of love to everyone!!!!!! <3 

Why

You know what the epitome of feeling useless is? Not knowing the eternal destination of a dead loved one. The hopelessness. The despair. 

You start asking God, "Why God? Why him? Why didn't you appear to him or something? Why didn't you bring someone in their life to show them You?! I know there where people in His life that knew You. So WHY?! Why didn't they speak up?! Were they afraid? Afraid of what he might have thought of them? Were they just lazy? 'Oh, I'll talk to him when I get the chance away from my busy schedule to take him out for coffee.' Were they looking for the 'perfect opportunity'? So many people loved him! I know some of them had to know You God. When they saw the destruction he was bringing on himself, why didn't they passionately pursue him?! They knew where he was heading; to a place of eternal torment; to a place of wailing and gnashing of teeth, to a place of suffering. Why didn't they run after him, beg him, plead with him or try to show him You?! What went wrong? Or did they just not care? Not care about him? or worse, did they not truly care and completely believe and grasp and care about you?" 

Once you hit that point in the questions, silence falls over your thoughts as the implications start to hit. As I live everyday, how many of other-people's-loved-ones do I interact with that don't personally know my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. How many people have I told passionately of the love, grace, and forgiveness I have received?  Of my completely new life? Of my transformation? How many hard conversations have I avoided on pretext of not wanting to offend them? How many times have I waited till tomorrow because I wasn't 'up for it today?' How many times have I patiently waited for the perfect opportunity to come up while letting any opportunity I had come and go? Do I really believe that what I believe is really real? (Truth Project)

Once again, silence falls. This time however at fear and disgust at the answer. No. How can the answer be yes?! If I really truly believed with every ounce of my soul, how could I even think for half a second of anything short of serving my beloved Savior and bringing Him glory in all I do? How could I daily interact with people, even close friends and just roll off the fact they don't know my Lord? how could I look them in the eye and say nothing, knowingly signing their death sentence? I couldn't. So why can I? 

Take Me By The Hand

25During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. 26When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.

27But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”

28“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”

29“Come,” he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”

31Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”

32And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. 33Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”

Matthew 14: 24-32

You know, Peter was one of God's chosen disciples. He had been with Jesus through so so much. He had seen first hand Jesus do miracles beyond his imagination. He believed that Jesus was truly the Son of God. The Messiah. He was totally sold out for Christ. Obviously Peter trusted Jesus incredibly, I mean, he got out of the boat! He even asked for Jesus to ask him to come. When Jesus did call him out, he went. Peter wanted to be extreme for God. Because of that, he got the chance to walk on water. Unfortunately, the storm surrounding him started to freak him out a bit.  He felt himself begin to sink. Can you imagine that feeling? Doing something incredible for God. Then looking around and realizing what it is your doing, and how crazy it is in the human mind. Standing on water and seeing waves and wind. Then the feeling of the water starting to reach the top of your feet, then higher and higher up your legs. He was afraid. "Lord, save me!" he begged. "Immediately Jesus reached out His hand and caught him. "You of little faith...why did you doubt?" Jesus saved Him. But can you imagine the feeling of reproach at being called someone of little faith? Ouch!

      Our first thoughts, "What the heck Peter! You were walking on water! You'd seen what God had done first hand, yet you doubted like that?!" But, I can't distance myself from Peter. I've seen the wonders of the Lord first hand in so many different ways. He has worked so many things out for me. Yet there are many times I take my eyes off of Him and start focusing on the waves. I know what HE has told me. I know where I am at with Him, but then I start seeing the waves of the world, and start doubting what I know He has spoken.

     This is something I've been struggling with in a couple different areas lately. One as we're getting ready to leave for outreach, and I haven't yet finished raising my money for this trip. Also, as I am making the plans to stay here once I get back, it just seems crazy at times. I'll be living in a foreign land with so little planning and really not knowing a whole lot, as a missionary, outside of the structure that my DTS has offered.  These just two examples of many in my life. 

Please pray for me.  That I keep my focus on God and listening to His voice instead of looking at the waves of life. 

THE CHALLENGE!!!!!!

Ok everyone, here’s the challenge; I still need to raise $800 for my trip to Thailand. So, I’m presenting a challenge. If I raise the full amount by October 8^th, my roommate Bethany and I will eat(and video tape) 5 COCKROACHES AND 5 GRASSHOPPERS EACH! It’s a delicacy here I haven’t yet tried ;) Any little amount will help reach the final goal. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PASS THIS AROUND TO ANYONE AND EVERYONE!!!!  you can shoot me an email @ cowgirl4christ17@yahoo.com or find me on Facebook as Caity Midyett or just use the paypal button the side of this page 

cockroaches!

grasshoppers!!

The Scene

Living out of the back of a horse trailer. Traveling around the country with my two(at least) faithful horses. Hanging out till the early hours of the morning with the other traveling cowboys/cowgirls just having a good time. Big beautiful truck. Winning the National Finals Rodeo and getting to point back to God.

That was part of my biggest dream growing up. I wanted to join the Fellowship of Christian Cowboys and live the life of Rodeo. It seemed like so many things would work for it too. I had always been given horses, even an old barrel racer. I had lots of friends who rodeo-ed. But every time I started to try and compete, things happened. Whether it was schedules, trucks, trailers or horses, something always went wrong. I was able to compete a little bit when I was 14 but that was it. I had always viewed this as just challenges to overcome. Things that would make the victory that much sweeter.

The other night though, my view of this was shaken a bit. I was talking with one of my friends here, and they were saying how they wanted to be able to do what they loved, without getting big or famous, because they were concerned about getting 'caught up in that scene'. At first I was kind of confused, and thought they were a bit crazy. I knew how focused their heart was on wanting to serve God. But as we continued talking about it, I realized that the same held true for me. If I was to get big into rodeo, I would loose focus from God. Granted, my heart would start out right, I would want to bring honor and praise to God. But also, pride is one of my biggest weaknesses. I would get caught up in all that "I" was doing. It wouldn't be about God anymore. I'd start living on my strength, for my glory.

I had also always seen going big in rodeo as the biggest validation of my skills with horses. But as I thought about it and prayed about it more, it really hit me. Why is it my ability with horses needs to be validated by anyone else? The answer: it doesn't. The only reason it would need to be validated would be for my praise and self security. But in reality, what does it matter? What does it matter if there are many many people much more skilled with horses than me(which there is). What does it matter if I don't train for anyone but local horse people? What does it matter if with my therapy place I can only reach 100 people? It doesn't. I realized, that the only thing that matters is I am using what God has given me to the best of my ability in the circumstances He has placed me in. That is why I have those skills.

Please continue to pray for me as we prepare for outreach phase, and then I come back to Chiang Mai till May. We now plan to spend 3 weeks working in Cambodia and 4 weeks in Vietnam. It will be an intense trip hopefully reaching many people. I also ask you to prayerfully consider supporting me, as I still need to raise more money to pay for this trip. Thank you all for your love and support!